This weeks story is by a fellow blogger Niki Meadow’s. Her story is about depression and how she overcame it and it’s challenges. The up’s and downs of life she dealt with and how she still managed to have hope and accomplish so much. This story is a very personal one and I hope you all enjoy reading it and find it relatable!
A defining moment-
In reality, I think life is full of defining moments. One that comes to mind, in particular, is a moment in 2013. I’d been struggling with depression, feeling overwhelmed, and hopeless. I no longer had the desire to live. Funny enough, when faced with the prospect of ending my life, I realized just how badly I wanted to live. I didn’t want to go through the motions or merely exist, I wanted to have a sense of purpose.
I’d love to be able to say there was this moment that I was just flooded with motivation and determination. A moment where I knew everything was going to be alright and work out. The reality is, I was basically shocked into taking action. The fact that I was willing to take my own life scared me and made me realize that something had to change.
There were many changes that I implemented into my life over a two-year period. One of the first things that I did to was to reflect on my life. I began to journal as a way of releasing built up emotion, taking the first step towards accepting responsibility in my life, and ultimately starting the process of healing.
Once I was able to get through that, I was able to see more clearly what I needed to change. At the end of the day, it boiled down to my mindset. I had a very negative and destructive train of thought. From chronic complaining to detrimental comparison there was a lot of negativity driving my choices. So I began to implement practices in my life to help me do the opposite of what I’d been doing up until that point. I worked on these changes one at a time until I was able to create better practices. Over time, I was able to cultivate a more positive mindset.
I thought that those first few months would be the hardest (which they were) but I was blind sighted about two and a half years later. I was doing really well, my practices had grown with me, I had my own business and I was in a really great place in my life. One day, I had this sinking feeling as if everything were suddenly going to go terribly wrong. Things had been too good for too long. It was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down around me.
I wasn’t used to feeling such intense joy. I wasn’t used to having so much to look forward to in my life. I realized how devastating it would be if I lost it all. If I fell back into that place I worked so hard to get out of and it scared me. Thankfully, I had good practices in place, tools to use, and a support network to lean on.
As it turns out, nothing has come crashing down. I’ve had good days and bad days and great things and terrible things happen since. I’ve learned that it’s not a matter of being in control that makes life amazing, it’s a matter of how I respond to things that does. So in that moment, when I felt like I was living a life that was too good to be true, I realized I had so many things in my life to be grateful for, few of which were things at all.
If you know what it’s like to live an empty life, I want you to know you aren’t alone. The first thing I’d encourage you to do, is be aware of what you feed your mind. As incredible as social media is, I personally found it to be detrimental when I was in that place. I couldn’t help but see happy people with amazing lives around me and felt like I was the only one who was failing in life. I encourage you to read an autobiography of someone you admire. Chances are, they’ve had their own struggles to overcome and you just might find some parallels with your own life.
Another thing I encourage you to do is to watch videos with thought-provoking messages. You just might hear something that will spark an idea for a practice you can implement in your life. I’d also recommend you to seek out a solid support network. Someone you can trust and confide in. Someone who understands your struggle and who you can count on to listen, be supportive, and help you remember that we all have bad days. When you have moments like that, don’t evaluate your life. Instead, evaluate what you can do to get through that moment in the healthiest way possible. Then come up with a plan to get from where you are to where you want to be. It won’t happen overnight but it will happen over time as long as you’re clear on what steps you need to take and you take them consistently.
(I did write a book that details this process. If you’d like to link to it you can find the link here
should you be interested).
May this reach who it’s meant to.
If you would like to be featured or would like to share your story get in touch with me via social media or email! I look forward to hearing more inspirational stories!