Hi Guys! This weeks Your Story is about the other side of marriage that no one really talks about. The expectations within south asian culture in being married and the reasons as to why we shouldn’t just conform to what society expects from us, if we aren’t ready for it nor agree with it. Many thanks to Addy for sharing this story with us! There’s not many times where we get a guy’s perspective on the matter. Hope you guys enjoy the post!
The Pressure of Marriage within an Asian Culture.
When we think of what marriage means we usually believe that it’s when a man and a women formally join together to spend the rest of their lives together in union . Through thick and thin. We think that they’ve made this choice themselves and no one has made it for them. They’ve done it because they love each other. Which is true to be honest, but in terms of the Asian culture it’s something which has been implanted in our minds from a young age without us even realizing.
It can start from being at a wedding and someone saying that’ll be you one day or even watching a Bollywood movie and fantasising about your sweethearts duppata (scarf) running across your face, as if that’s how love starts.
Marriage is something which is very important for people within my culture (Pakistani). For many of our elders not marrying is seen as the most inexcusable thing in the whole world. I could be the biggest drug kingpin in the world which would be fine. But not marrying? That would be like opening Pandora’s box. Many families have bickered over this “If you don’t get married what will everyone think” “People will think there’s something wrong with you”. I could go on but the main point is you’re seen as abnormal for not wanting to get married and I would like to tell anyone who has doubts about marriage that it’s fine.
I have always found it annoying how non Asian cultures don’t have to worry as much about marriage. For them marriage isn’t a necessity, many get married well in their 50s but for people within our culture it would be unimaginable.
I have been married for 6months. Alhumdullilah it is a happy marriage, I have a loving wife who loves me for who I am and vice versa. I wouldn’t say I was pressurized into getting married as it was my choice but I guess because I’ve lived within an environment where it is an essential part of life that played a part in me getting married.
If you asked me if I would get married again if I went back in time, my answer wouldn’t be yes or no as I am in two minds. A part of me wishes that I flew away from my comfortable nest and took risks baring in mind I have had no prior relationship before my marriage.
I do wish that I hadn’t focused too much on what my parents think, I wish I would’ve just said “you know what I just wanna live my life without having to worry about what anyone thinks” The other part of me is thankful that I remained patient and have found someone who loves me unconditionally and is there to support me. Someone who hugs me like she never wants to let go. Coming home to that after a long days work is a lovely feeling. Like Superman coming home to Lois Lane after kicking ass all day.
My final thoughts are that if you’re having doubts about marriage please don’t rush. Marriage should be a one in a life time thing. Do not give in to the pressures of your family or others, that may say they want the best for you but at the end of the day it is you who will be with that person for the rest of your life not them.
Thank you for reading I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
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