22 Rant

So it’s currently 4:50 am and the only thing that’s on my mind right now, is where am I going with my life? I guess the late night fears and thinking have got to me tonight along with period hormones.

Okay so here’s the situation, the reason I’m writing this post is to calm myself down really. I guess childhood me never imagined “adult” me to be like this.

People always say pursue your dreams or passion, but no one really talks about how difficult it truly is at times. Its often generalised as “if you do what you love it wont feel like work”. But no kidding there are times where it does. Especially in the field of writing and I am just being brutally honest here.

As writers its kind of expected of us to bring emotion or deep thinking to every single thing that we write. But life isn’t like that and majority of writers get their inspiration from what is happening in their life. Whether that be personal or their surroundings. And let’s be honest life can be kind of mellow at times and that’s refreshing, but I can’t help this expectation to deliver raw emotion all the time?

Another item on my rant is the whole “know yourself” expectation. I mean I’m on this journey to find out more about myself and what I want to do with my life, and it can be kind of frustrating when you are in an environment where you are expected to already know what it is you want to do and what ever you do choose in life you must be great at? That’s the south asian expectation I’ve been brought up with.

22 year old me is currently in bed, writing on the phone app of wordpress, advising other people on life. And that’s okay.

You guys are gonna feel me on this one but the whole “money equals success” like what is up with that.

I’ve never really been one to focus on money being my only goal in life and I’ve never really felt the need to be extravagant nor driven by money. And I thought that this was great, and it still is. But this lack of motivation from this aspect has me here unemployed. Which is also okay to me, but not those around me?

To me time is more valuable than money. And as long as my soul is at piece and I make enough to have the basic necessities I am perfectly happy, and that is most likely to do with my upbringing. But for some reason other people have a problem with it? They would much rather me work a job I would not enjoy than to focus on my passion simply because that way I would have some extra money.

Its all a damn blur. But here comes the next part of my rant. The so called love life. Now I don’t know if this is a brown thing or not but why is it expected of me to know who I want to spend the rest of my life with at this age when I can still barely cope with myself? Seriously what is up with that. I mean yeah it would be great to be in love and all but it hasn’t happened so can society just chill sometimes with their norms.

This whole rant has been somewhat about societal norms, confusion on direction and a whole lot of mess. But I hope you guys can relate and offer some advice.

To be honest, I may not have taken the safe route with getting a proper job after university but I can live each day knowing I am living for myself. Yes making a career in writing or self publishing is really difficult, and I am extremely proud of myself for jumping out of the comfort zone. But that doesn’t mean at times i won’t doubt my choices, thats a part of life.

Anyway I think it’s time to wrap this up, let me know what you guys think!

Pale x


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