Self-destruction

Hey Guys, so erm yeah the title, shits about to get serious. I’ve seriously forgotten how to write so bare with me because I’m a total mess. But on a positive note, I am more self aware to the ways I self destruct! Hooray!

Okay so, if you’re like me then you probably know what I’m talking about, if you’re not like me then you know, you lucky.

Self destruction is what me and possibly a few of you guys do when we feel guilty of having, experiencing or even feeling a certain way. A lot of it comes from a lack of self esteem, and not believing you truly deserve something but instead feeling slightly uncomfortable when things are right than wrong.

Not sure if you’re self destructive?

Here’s a checklist you don’t wanna tick:

1) If something isn’t wrong, that’s not right.

This one is for those times where everything is all sunshine and rainbows but you gotta create your own tornado (drama) and wreck that whole dreamland, because you’re better of being the tornado than actually experiencing one.

The problem: there are a lot of lessons you can learn from just letting things happen. By creating this unnecessary disaster you aren’t allowing yourself to grow and experience life for all it is. Which brings me to the next point.

2) Uncertainty about the future makes you anxious.

It’s totally normal to not know where you will be in a few years from now or even tomorrow and for that to worry you is totally fine however it becomes a problem when you try to fix that uncertainty with your short term solutions.

For example instead of just hoping for the best and doing what feels right to you, you overanalyse every possible scenario and outcome and thats so raven in your head, even though you’re once again sabotaging yourself.

3) Recognising your habits and changing them in unhealthy ways

Okay so you know you can be a bit impulsive and you think too much about the future, so instead you throw yourself onto the other extreme of being the complete opposite yet its still pretty self destructive.

For example, you meet someone things are great and then they make it quite clear that commitment isn’t what they want. Now the past you would hold on with hopes to convince them because thats where you got your self worth from, if they change their mind then you are worthy. The opposite you would take the oh yeah me either approach, completely not think about the future and lie to themselves and the other person.

Let me make one thing abundantly clear, thinking about the future isn’t bad, knowing what you want isn’t bad, its actually good and you should listen to your needs.

The problem is when there isn’t a problem in the present but theres an imaginary one in the future.

4) Only interested in unavailable people.

Now you’ll probably lie to yourself about how you love the thrill of winning someone over but really, you actually need these people because all though you desire intimacy you’re actually afraid to commit. And that’s what makes these people so attractive the fact that there is no bigger picture and how its all so passionate, even though you will get attached and get heartbroken its like a high for you. In fact if someone was actually available and showing you the love you deserve it would actually put you off them.

5) You don’t know what you want

This once again is totally fine, you just have to accept that. Its okay to not know what you want and it’s okay for it to change. As you go through life you experience different situations, you meet different people. You grow. You shouldn’t feel tied down to a decision you made yesterday if it disturbs the peace in you today. Just learn to accept that.

The End.

So if you’ve read through these points and related to them in any way I think its time for you to keep an eye out on your own behaviours and how you can change them to make healthier and wiser choices. I think all of us lack a little self esteem and we all have our challenges and insecurities but each and every one of us deserves to be happy. Don’t feel guilty about it.

Life is a journey of acceptance, so breathe accept that you can’t control everything and live.

Pale x

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